Tired & Uninspired

You might call me a daydreamer, although I think I'm just focused. Focused on the future. When I look forward I know where I want to end up, eventually. Some days I think I'll end up there sooner rather than later. Some days I think, whilst life is short, I'm still young enough to wait it out. I'm not sure if I'm trying to pay some dues or what but I know there are things I need to do before I can leave.

It's days like today when I need to remind myself what I am working for. That dream is, of course, to move back down to Fuerteventura. To do it for myself, with no help. I want to be able to take Tiger and find a job and have a little home and maybe even a car of my very own. I don't care to be rich or in a job that makes me a lot of money, I just want to be able to live and enjoy my life.

The system here really sucks. I could go on a waiting list to get a house here, and my rent would be based on what I could afford, but finding a home that would accept a dog here is pretty impossible, particularly at a decent price. I appreciate what my parents have done for me, don't get me wrong. Living with them has given me the opportunity I need to save the money I will need to make my dream a reality. However, I already lived away from home, and it's kinda hard having to move back. Particularly when you're still living there two and a half years later.

I know my situation isn't dissimilar to that of people my age around the country, but I didn't go to university so it's not like I have debts. It's just the wage I get paid is barely enough to live on, and that is taking into account that I save a lot of my wages. I allow myself a very tiny amount to use each week because I am determined to reach my target. I want to give myself the best opportunity to succeed.

That's not only a financial goal, giving myself the best opportunity to succeed either. Since I've been back in the UK I've taken my Level 1 Key Skills in Communication & Numeracy (English and Maths to us normal people), my National Certificate for Personal Licence Holders, Level 2 Food Safety, NVQ2 Food and Beverage Service and I'm now doing the next level NVQ3 Hospitality Supervision and Leadership. I want to put myself in a position to be able to get a good job maybe in a hotel or somewhere, anywhere really, that will give me a decent contract (decent hours, some healthcare would be lovely). I'm working really hard for it, and it is hard work trying to do an NVQ when you're already working full time, particularly once you've gotten high enough that you have to actually write answers to questions. At the same time, I shouldn't moan because I put myself up for these NVQ's. It's my future I'm doing it for, no one else's.

And it's days like today when I don't love my job as much as I usually do that I need to write that down and remind myself why I am doing all of this. I need to remind myself that my financial goal is not far away. Another 8-10 months isn't a long time, and yet it is because so much can change in that time. I might look back on this and wonder what it was that I was sulking, or moaning about, or wonder why I felt the need to be reminded of how great my life is.

Because when all is said and done, my life is great. I've been really lucky to have the support of all the people I love. The truth is I do love my job, I would never have been there as long as I have if I didn't really love it. I love my boss and his family and I feel so lucky to work for them and to work with the amazing people I work with. I love hearing my boss' ideas for ways to improve what we're, what he's, doing there. I love that we are a small team, and I love how well we are doing as a business. I don't usually post such personal things here, but I felt this a good place to write it because I think there are people who should read it, who don't have access to my private blog.